Can Racism Exist Even in Well-Meaning Families?
According to Gloria Purvis, “Racism has rend, torn, and broken apart the bonds of the human family.” Yes, racism can even come from the people closest to us – our own families. It is not uncommon to experience racism from within one’s own home, from people who say they love you. Racial prejudice does exist within the family as one Pew study shows. In a 2015 Pew study found that 21 percent biracial adults who are White and Black say they have been treated badly by a relative because of their racial background. Stories abound on the ways family members that are outside of the family’s race being hurt, mistreated, or even ostracized by their own family members. They experience either outright hostility or the family refusing to talk or acknowledge one’s racial background. These experiences are painful and difficult as they try to fit into their world.
According to Sahara Rose, here are the ways to deal with racist family members:
- Speak your truth, kindly. In a mild, calm, and kind manner, let them know why their point of view is prejudice and not respectful of other cultures. Confronting them of their racial biases would only get them defensive and, thus, not be open to hearing your perspective.
- Put them in your shoes. Ask them how they would feel being called names just for the color of their skin or being afraid every time a police drove by or if they were considered second-class citizens. Chances are, they won’t like it.
- Humanize the cause. Most people create separation by making it political, placing numbers over people. Humanizing the cause, then, is important. How? By sharing with them stories of real people and asking them how they’d feel if it were them or their mother, father, son, or daughter.
- Hear them out. Listen to why they feel the way that they do. This can be difficult, but if they don’t feel heard, they’ll never change. Chances are they are afraid of the other person and their prejudice keeps them safe. After listening to them, point out that thinking other people of color as dangerous is an overgeneralization.
- Show them videos by POC on these causes. More often than not, these family members are getting all their information from mainstream media news sources by people who look and think exactly like them. Opening their mind to different perspectives will allow them to question the narrative they’ve been hearing and create their own.
- Be patient. Overcoming racism will not happen overnight. So continue to show up, be respectful, and open up the conversation. Hopefully, in time, these will open up their perspective; and they will become less prejudiced.
The point is, racial prejudices should not to break families apart, which will just create more separation, but rather to love each other through the differences.
Sources:
Archer, Deborah. “How Racism Persist in Its Power.” Accessed April 4, 2025. https://repository.law.umich.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=8426&context=mlr.
Pew Research Center. “On Views of Race and Inequality, Blacks and Whites are World Apart.” Last modified June 27, 2016. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2016/06/27/on-views-of-race-and-inequality-blacks-and-whites-are-worlds-apart/.
Rose, Sahara. “How to Communicate with Racist Family Members.” Accessed April 4, 2025 https://iamsahararose.com/blog/how-to-communicate-with-racist-family-members/.